Shit My Boyfriend Says

Anonymous asked: this is possibly THE most boring blog ever

Yeeeeeeeeeah I don’t update much I know. I TRY OKAY. Oh wells. Guess I’ll start reblogging photos of trees or something.

04/15/13

I will be so devastated if I end up having children and one of them is allergic to cats. Every time they are being ungrateful I will bring up the fact like instead of being like:

“I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU YOU BRAT, I GREW YOU INSIDE OF ME AND THEN YOU CAME OUT OF MY VAGINA, HOW ‘BOUT SOME APPRECIATION?”

I’ll be like: “I GOT RID OF MY CATS FOR YOU, KEVIN. I LOVED THOSE CATS. THEY WERE MY BEST FRIENDS. THAT’S HOW MUCH I SACRIFICED FOR YOU. NOW CLEAN YOUR ROOM.”

04/12/13

Me: I knew I would end up hanging out with you today.
Him: That's what you get for being my girlfriend! Ha ha ha, sucks to be you!

03/19/13

Making out in his bed
Me: Brrr I'm cold
He puts a blanket on top of me in between us.
Him: Look we're having PG-13 sex! Har har har *dry humps me*

03/16/13

Me (looking on Facebook and reading aloud): "A million likes on FB probably won't get me a kidney, but it might..." how the fuck would likes get you a kidney? Why would you get your kid to do this?
Him: I don't know, give the kid something to do so he stops bitching about his kidneys.

03/11/13

Me: It's a shame your phone can't receive photos because you're missing out on all the dirty pics I could be sending you.
A short time later...
Him: I got my phone fixed you can send me pics now!
Me: *sends him a different photo of my cats every day*

03/2/13

If Snoop Dogg says smoke weed every day who am I to argue?

03/1/13

Me: How's working out going?
Him: Yeah it's not happening. I'll try again in the summer. Or we're going away in the summer aren't we? Well not till September I guess.
Lol hardcore procrastination.

02/27/13

Me: I’m actually so comfortable right now.

Him: You’d be more comfortable with my dick in you!

And then it was.

02/7/13

In a bar bathroom…

Drunk guy: Fuck this is so gay. Fucking gay. Fuck.

Boyfriend: It sure is gay, look at my dick! (turns and shows guy his dick)

Drunk guy: FUCK YOU!

Can’t believe he didn’t get his ass kicked for that one. And yeah I have no idea what drunk guy was talking about.

02/6/13

Shit My Boyfriend Says

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